And The Beat Goes On...

I've been absent for a bit now, due to my ever present and never ending job search. Literally every free moment that I have is consumed by my search. So much so, that I haven't even been planning my wedding. To say that it has been frustrating is putting it lightly. I've gone on interview after interview, sending thank you and follow up emails and then.... nothing. I don't even get a "no", which I think is more frustrating than anything else. Just complete silence. When did this become OK? When did the professional world decide it was OK to just not say anything? And it's not just one company, it's been pretty much all of them. Even thank you and follow up emails go un-responded. Which is rather ironic because everything that I read in regards to email etiquette states that you should respond to emails within 24 hours.
But that's not the best part. The best part is "you're great and I love your enthusiasm and personality, I'm just a bit concerned because you don't have that much experience in ______." Really? REALLY?! First of all, I can learn, I think my two Master's degrees prove that I'm apt for that. Second of all, HOW AM I GOING TO GET EXPERIENCE IF I'M NOT ABLE TO WORK IN IT?!?!? Sorry, I've been wanting to yell that for a while. But really, how am I possibly going to get experience, if no one will hire me because I don't have experience? I am baffled by this whole concept. I understand the hesitance in hiring someone that doesn't have a lot of experience, but everyone is inexperienced to a certain extent. Unless you're applying for a six figure job, which I'm not.

I have to take a moment and apologize if I'm sounding ungrateful. I am grateful for what I have. I actually have a job (a rather menial one that I was kind of bamboozled into, but that's a story for another day). And I perfectly aware that there are thousands of people that don't have jobs. I'm reminded every day of this when I go to work, by the homeless people sleeping in the train station. Thank God I'm not one of them. I have a loving and supportive fiancee, who is always there for me, building me up when I knock myself down.

Again, with the irony that is my life, lately I've had the opportunity to work on two awesome projects that I do outside of work, that make me happy and satisfy me to no end: being part of the creative team of a fantastic micro-budget feature and being the local producer for a seminar for Producers here in Miami. I absolutely love working on both of these. Only one pays, and that's in October... But I love what I'm doing! I actually get to apply the things I've learned in school and all my skills in both of these. And there's definitely something to be said for working with great people and actually being part of a team.

I just want to wake up every morning and actually feel good about going to work. Actually look forward to it. Enjoy the work that I do. Is that too much to ask?

OK, rant over. For now. Back to real life. It's like Mick Jagger says "You can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes you get what you need." Here's hoping that at some point in my life, what I want and what I need will intersect. Wouldn't that be grand? 'Til then, the beat goes on.

Why I Said Yes

I haven't chosen an easy career path. One out of every five students in college chooses a major that has to do with the entertainment industry... Alright, that's completely made up, I have no idea what the numbers actually are. But, I do know that I was one of those students. I don't know why other people choose it, but I chose it because I love the movie business, emphasis on the business. I actually got giddy when I had to develop a marketing plan for a a script for class. I'll say it again, I love this business. But it's not an easy one. You can't be shy, you have to have tough skin, you have to be a people person, you have to be persistent, you can't quit, you have to be willing to do whatever it takes to get what you want. And even then, it may still not be enough. I should know. But if I'm really honest with myself, I'll admit that I haven't REALLY tried until the last year or so. I went back to school and decided that this time, I would truly take advantage of my time there. I've put as much effort into building relationships with my professors and my classmates as I have into school work. And slowly, it has started to pay off.

But sometimes, I loose focus. I loose sight of why I said yes to this path. That has been the case this past month. I interviewed with a company that I very much want to work for, I made a good impression, was asked to come back for a final interview, and then... Nothing. Not exactly nothing, they still haven't made a decision. I'm so unbelievably frustrated that I don't know what to do with myself. I'm so anxious to finally get started. I just broke down today. I think it was a culmination of waiting to hear something, being broke, not being able to help out my mom back home, having to move by the end of the summer, having to have a second job at the mall and the ridiculous heat here in Miami.

Then this evening sitting at the table after dinner, I was reminded why I said yes to my partner in crime when he proposed two months ago. He reminded me of all the other things I'm working on. I'm writing and producing my own short film for my thesis, helping some classmates with the marketing on theirs, I just got the opportunity to work with a great team to put together a seminar for producers here in Miami, thanks to one of my professors, and I'm going to LA for three weeks this summer to network like there's no tomorrow. So I'm making moves. I forgot about all of that today, but he was quick to give me a reality check and put me in my place. He said what could possibly be the most important words I could hear, maybe more important than I love you. "I believe in you, babe. Never giving up hope on you."

I may not accomplish exactly what I want to do (marketing and distribution in a production company, for those of you keeping track), but I am going to work my ass off like there's no tomorrow to get there. And even then, I've accomplished something that some people never get to see. I've built a life, not just a relationship, with someone that is always on my corner, pushing me to succeed and be better. And as I sit here next to him on the couch, watching his emotions shift as he watches El Heat play game 1 of the finals, I realize how ridiculously blessed I am to share my life with him. It hasn't always been easy, relationships take a lot of work, but every moment has been worth it. Kind of like trying to make my career work.

The Locker Room

Every morning, for close to two years now, I get up between 5:30 and 6 in the morning to go to the gym. Ok, maybe not every single morning, but 4 out of the 5 days of the week, I'm there. So far, I've lost 27 pounds, and I'm smaller and healthier than I have ever been in my life. I'm almost at my goal weight, and I feel absolutely fantastic. It hasn't been easy, but it hasn't been extraordinarily hard either. Aside from my own personal achievement, the best thing that I've learned on this journey is discipline. Discipline when it comes to food, exercising, and most importantly, time. Time has become so precious to me. I thought about that today as I was getting ready for work in the locker room. That's an interesting place, the locker room. At that time in the day, it's filled with women who, like I have learned, value a healthy body and mind, discipline. Sarah, Kathy and Chris have become daily staples in my life. The days I miss the gym, I wonder if they ask themselves why I'm not there. We talk about ever day things, make-up brands, the Comcast guy showing up at 4:30 during the 8-5 window promised, sick parents, sick kids, periods, menopause and anything else under the sun. It's like we've become a little locker room family. When we see each other walking around campus, we nod and smile, but we don't stop and talk. It's like our world only exists in the confines of the locker room, surrounded by the sounds of showers and hair dryers and squeaking, wet flip flops on the floor.

I digress, back to discipline. I've always been a very routinely person. My sister says that I'm easy to kill because I do the same thing everyday. Which I do. Until this morning, the past few days really, I hadn't realized how important time and discipline have become to me. Julie Andrews said "some people regard discipline as a chore. For me, it is a kind of order that sets me free to fly." That's exactly how I feel. The discipline to get up early every day to go to the gym has given me the ability to discipline myself to other things going on in my life. For one, my thesis that I have to complete by December. I've been dedicating more time to writing it and polishing it, making it better and better, all because of discipline. I use my time so much more efficiently now.

Which brings me to the issue of the day, my new (yes, I have many) pet peeve. I absolutely hate it when people waste my time. Now, I'm a smart, educated individual and absolutely understand that everyone doesn't function like me and that we're all different. But seriously, people! If I send you an email, how hard is it to click reply and type "yes" "no" or "still working on it"? Good grief! I know, not everything is about me, other things happen, things come up. Cool. Totally on board with that. But if I reach out to you to follow up, the least you can do is give me an answer. Don't just leave me hanging. Because aside from pissing me off, you're just making yourself, and the people around you, look bad. Apparently, this is a new thing, where people ignore emails, text messages, voice mails and facebook wall posts. And I know you're ignoring me, because I know you have a Blackberry/iPhone, so I know you get your emails anywhere you are (she said in stalker fashion). Maybe that's what's wrong. Maybe all this accessibility and technology has us burnt out. Remember when you only had to answer the messages on your answering machine? Yes, I'm that old. Although, if you think about it, technology has advanced more in the last ten to fifteen years, than in the last sixty. So maybe not that old. But, you get what I mean? Maybe we've become immune to the Outlook email notification because we hear it so much. The worse however, the absolute worse, is when you answer some of my emails, but not the rest. I know you got them! I know you read it! You just choose to ignore it. GAAHH!!!

Ok, that's the rant for the day. I feel better now.

The lesson for today, boys and girls, is that if you get an email or any other form of communication from someone, don't just ignore it. Even if you don't know the answer at the moment, a simple "I got your email and will let you know" will suffice. Two seconds of your time go a long way. Don't make me start flipping tables over and acting ethnic. It won't be pretty.

Confessions of a Pack Rat

I did some spring cleaning this past Saturday, and all I kept thinking was “where did all this crap come from?!” I kept finding stuff in the most unusual places. I must have taken at least 4 bags of trash to the chute, and I haven’t even tackled the den yet. We live in a two bedroom apartment, but somehow have managed to accumulate stuff as if we lived in a five bedroom house.

 I really do try to get rid of things, but it’s hard. Now, I highly doubt that I’m on my way to an episode of “Hoarders,” I just like to keep things that have meaning to me. Like the movie stubs from the first movie the bf (Dennis) and I saw together. Or the napkins from our first vacation together, that I insist I’m going to put in our travel scrapbook. You know, the one that I haven’t started in the five years we’ve been together, but I keep collecting things from all of our travels for. And I am adult enough to say that, yes, it’s all my fault. Although, not entirely. I come from a long line of pack rats.

When my grandfather passed, it took FOREVER to go through his things. Actually, I think there’s still stuff in his house that’s been empty for over ten years. I remember sitting with him at the dining table, a cigarette hanging from his lips, going through a box of screws, nails and bolts because he was fixing something. I asked him why he has a box of that. He gave me the pack rat’s motto: “You never know when you’re going to need it.”

When I was growing up, my mother had a collection of old Reader’s Digest and Burda magazines dating back to 1971. Burda is this magazine, from Germany I think, with patterns for people who sew. She would make dresses for my dolls. One of the most comforting sounds of my childhood was my mom’s sewing machine, and the sound the metal pedal made when she took her foot off it and it plopped back on the tile… Anyhoo, my mom kept those magazines like they were a long lost child that she needed to protect. Oh, and her extensive Agatha Christie collection. Those were precious! As I got older, it kind of became a running joke in the family, mom and her Burdas.

I guess that stuck with me, because this was a scenario Saturday:

Me: “Oooh, the ‘Vanity Fair’ with Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattison in it. I should recycle that.”

(Blank stare, puts it back in the magazine rack).

I have tickets from shows I went to during college, Dominican currency that isn’t printed anymore, deflated helium balloons, birthday cards, the whiteboard that used to be on my door in my dorm, palm cards from events I worked on, comic strips that I liked, and the list goes on and on.

As much as I try to throw things out, I can’t. As soon as I touch something, I remember that moment. I remember coming back from class to a message from my roommate on the board, walking down the block to the store to buy candy with the 5 pesos my mom would give us for our weekly allowance. I want to remember those moments.

So maybe I won’t stop being a pack rat, I’ll just regress to being a cute little organized pack mouse. Maybe I’ll start consolidating and organizing, and putting all my memories in boxes. Pretty boxes, not the kind you get from Publix to move. And right next to that, I’ll put another pretty box with screws, nails, buttons, chopsticks, string, ribbon, hot sauce from Taco Bell, remotes for TVs, manuals for said TVs, a squirt gun, bolts, needles, thread, birthday candles and USB cables. Because I know the day will come when I’m going to need it.

A step in some kind of direction

My first blog post. It's a rather auspicious moment. I don't think that there are enough hours in the day to say everything that runs through my head. Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night, only to realize that a persistent thought is what has woken me up. They aren't all deep and profound thoughts. One night, I woke up singing "Part of that That World" from "The Little Mermaid." I greatly reduced my time spent listening to the Broadway Pandora station after that. In any case, my name is Patricia, and I'll be your host for this... adventure, for lack of a better word. I live in Miami. No, I do not know any of Kardashians, I don't have fake boobs or a convertible, and I'm not always hanging out in South Beach (which incidentally, what they show on TV is like a couple of blocks on Ocean. That's it). I do however have fabulous hair. It flows in the wind and catches the sunlight. It's the Dominican in me. We're known worldwide for our mad hair-doing skills. Yep, I'm Dominican. Born and raised and proud of it. I'm also proud of being an immigrant and of how far I've come and what I've accomplished. 

As far as my career, it's kind of non-existant at this point. Well, not really non-existant. I have a job, I work at a University, but like most everyone, it's not what I want to do. I want to work in Marketing and Distribution for a studio/production company. I know, everyone wants to work in the movies. Everyone is a writer/actor/director. All true. I'm none of those things. I'm not a closet actress, and I have no desire whatsoever to be the next hot director. I love marketing, I love taking something and trying to figure out how to get a customer for it and sell it. I want to sit with a team, have a script or a finished film and try to figure out how to sell it. I'd eventually like to Produce, maybe get into teaching at the University level. But Marketing is the one thing that I want to get into at the moment. I know, kinda boring. But hey, to each it's own. 

So this is what this blog will be. My quest to get my foot in the door and make my way into the business and what I want to do, and how it affects my life along the way. And also, my random rambling thoughts. Because those are always fun.